Worthless
by monkeys and carrots 4 life
Summary: What happens when you start to believe  something someone says to you? What effect can it have on you and how far will someone go to make the pain stop. Kames! self harm in later chapters and swearing! Rating most likely go up!


**Authors Note: Hi lovely wonderful people. :D so this is my first time writing a fanfiction and I'm super excited. I know I'm not the best writer ever but I'm hoping I can get better with the help of making my writing story better. Well let's get on with the story. :)**

**Disclaimer: wish I could say I own Big Time Rush but sadly I don't! :(**

**Chapter 1**

I used to be carefree. Happy! Not anymore. My once positive thoughts are now negative. I used to laugh and smile without having to act. I cared about life and girls (well people thought I did!). Sure I may be pretty but that doesn't mean I should be miserable right?

He doesn't think so anyways. He says that people like me will never be loved. I told him my mom and best friends love me but he tells me they pity me. At first I didn't believe him. But now when I think about it he's right.

My father left me and my mother when I was eight. At first I didn't understand where he went but I held my hope that he would come back, someday. That's not going to happen. Not when he has his perfect little family and living the perfect life in Florida.

My once free sprinted carefree mother is tired and miserable even though she tries to deny it, I can see the pain in her eyes. She hasn't gotten over my father. I hear her crying in the middle of the night, sometimes. She denies it of course.

She has to work two jobs to support us. I barely sees her and I know that she feels guilty for not being around as much as she would like but also she doesn't want us to starve or for me to miss out on anything. She really is the most caring mother in the world and I love her to bits!

I should tell you a bit about my best friends. Carlos, Logan and Kendall.

What can I say about my energetic, hyper most lovable person I know? Well I basically said what can be said about Carlos in that question. He's awesome to hang around with and really fun! He's a bit slow sometimes but no one can say a bad thing about him. He wears a helmet all the time. (Personally I think he's nuts!) He's the type of person who would make you laugh on the most miserable day.

Genius is all I have to say about Logan. He wants to be a doctor and honestly I think he could go to college by now. He's a bit of a know it all. He is pretty awesome although sometimes I wonder why he hangs out with Kendall, Carlos and I. I mean wouldn't he want to hang with people who he can relate to? Who understands what he talks about? But I'm glad that he hangs around with us!

_Kendall, what can I can I say?_

He's the leader and the most amazing best friend that anyone can ask for. He is caring, sweet and warm. He has this carefree attitude and is the most laid back person I know. He has this stupid humour that makes me laugh so hard my stomach hurts. He's really cute when he doesn't understand something or when he's thinking super hard! Sometimes he has anger issues but that's the way he is. If he feels threatened or someone he loves he gets super protective.

And let's not forget how really good looking he is! I love his dimples and blonde hair. He lights up my world!

Oh and I'm completely in love with him, in case you haven't noticed. But he is never going to find out about that. I can trust him with every secret I have but this little secret he'll never find out.

Nothing could ever happen between us though. He's completely straight. I wonder what his reaction would be if he ever found out about my secret. He would beat the crap out of me. Not that he needs to because someone else already does that.

And thinking of all these amazing people I can see what he sees. I'm not like my caring mother who put everything I want before hers. I'm not as lovable as Carlos. I'm not a genius like Logan. I'm not as unique and amazing like Kendall. I don't fit in at all.

I'm worthless and will never go far in life. They all pity me! They don't care about me. I'm useless and not worth their time!

Now I understand what Riley meant. I deserve all the punches and the insult. He's right and I'm an idiotic fool. Why didn't I see this before? How come nobody has ever told me this?

So now I cry in the bathroom bandaging put my bruised sore my ribs.

**A/N: Poor James. And Evil Riley!**

**This is sorta the introduction.**

**It took me awhile to decide if I was going to do a Kames story but at the end I changed it to Kames so I'm not sure if it works or not. But let me know what you think so I can see what I need to improve. I know I'm not the best writer but review!**

**Bye for now! :)**


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